Last week, I went on a short weekend getaway with some friends. While I enjoyed it for the fun relaxing weekend it was, I knew that once it ended, it would be nothing more than just a blur (no alcohol involved) in a series of attempts to create a new spark into the otherwise boring life my late twenties has become.

A lot of people find themselves in search of an identity in their teens but I find myself struggling with self-identity never more than now, in my late twenties.

When people ask me what I like to do, I’m often at a loss for words. I usually end up with the generic, “Oh I like to travel, but don’t get to do it as often as I’d like,” or “I like outdoorsy activities,” when I haven’t even gone hiking in months.

I have nothing to say, because the truth is, I currently have no hobby whatsoever. My past-time activity include watching random TV shows (current favorites: The Masked Singer and The Good Place) or randomly browsing through YouTube. 

When I’m out, I usually just go for a random restaurant outing with some friends discussing random topics.

For as long as I can remember, my life has revolved around school. Getting to school, sitting in class, going home from school, studying for tests, getting a job once I’m done in school. And now that I’ve finished that chapter in my life, I feel a sense of void.

Now, I find myself repeating that cycle with work. Going to work, being at work, going home from work. Except it’s much less fulfilling. The sense of youth and the anticipation of an exciting future that awaits is no longer there. This is it. This is what I had worked for in school to get. 

Since settling back down and working full time, I’ve lost touch with many of my high school, college, and pharmacy school friends. But I have made awesome new friends that I’ve gotten to know over the past one and a half year since I’ve met them.

All of us are in our late twenties/early thirties and in the workforce and I’ve noticed that we all struggle from many of the same issues. We are all struggling to find passion in our late twenties.

Trying to find ourselves (and a significant other) is a big theme. But most importantly I see us being bored, trying to bring passion back into our lives that we’ve found ourselves losing over time.

Hence why, when my friend suggested I try DuoLingo to learn a new language as she’s doing, I jumped on it and am now obsessing (and progressing) through the Spanish course at what I consider a rapid speed.

It became a distraction for me. When I wake up in the morning or before I sleep at night, not quite ready to start my day or to finish my night, I start up my app to give some meaning to my otherwise dull life. 

Strangely enough, it’s quite reminiscent of taking tests in school, trying to get questions right, except with much less pressure. 

While it’s now a current obsession, I know that this too shall pass, just like my little stint with running a couple months back (although I do still run occasionally). 

This is all to say that, I’m scared. What if once I pay off my debt, I realize that nothing has changed. If (and to be optimistic, when) I reach financial independence, will I feel just as stuck and bored as I currently am? I certainly hope not.

The reason why I even started having this thought was, recently two people that I’ve followed closely online, Double Debt Single Woman and Aja Dang paid off their debt and I was so excited for them. Knowing that they were able to do it and the overwhelming joy it gave them, I got so excited that I started fantasizing about my own debt payoff. 

Multiple nights, I was tempted to pay off all my student loans in one go since now that I actually have a positive net worth, it means I have enough in savings to completely pull it out to pay off the debt if I wanted to.

In the end, I stuck to my plan of saving while paying off debt in a ~50-50 split. But the thought still lingers. Will I really feel all that great once I’ve paid off my loans? Or will it just be another small blip of happiness to be followed by emptiness once again?

That question remains and I will just have to answer it (hopefully) next year or in 2021 once I’ve paid off my debt. In the meantime, I do plan on fostering new hobbies.

I realize that my lack of goals outside of paying off my debt may be one of the reasons I feel bored and stuck. I have nothing to look forward to.

Since it’s almost the end of 2019 (the end of a decade!) I don’t think it’s too early to create my goals that will crossover into 2020.

1. Learn and become proficient in a new language.
   I learned Spanish in high school so wanted to brush up on it, but there are other languages that I’m actually more interested in learning like French and Korean just because they sound so elegant. So I may be choosing to learn one of those instead.
   
   
   
2. Continue to improve in running.
   Run 5k without stopping. Then final goal is to run 5 miles nonstop.
   
   So far I’ve only ever been able to run 2 miles non-stop and that was at a snail pace. Since then I haven’t kept up with the C25K program so my goal is to not only finish the program, but eventually be able to run 5 miles non-stop.
   
   
   
3. Live on my own.
   Previously, my goal had been to purchase a home in 2020. But upon doing some research, I found some conflicting information on whether buying or renting is best in my position.
   
   As someone who lives in a HCOL area and intend to travel extensively once I reach financial independence or get a remote position (a girl can dream!), buying a home may not be the best option for me. But at the very least, I do plan to move out on my own, whether it is through renting or buying in 2020.