I don’t like to toot my own horn, but I really do think I have great intuition. Call it a hunch, woman’s intuition, whatever you may, I think I have it. Honestly though, I’m just trying to look on the bright side of things to make myself feel better because I had a pretty devastating day today.

This whole week, I couldn’t get the nagging feeling that everything in my life was going great, too great, and that something was bound to go wrong.

My personal life and work life were going well. I found a new hobby of running with my friends that was quite enjoyable. I was getting into a good flow at work where I actually love what I do and I’m no longer overwhelmed with my responsibilities. Even home life with my parents has been quite enjoyable. 

So imagine my shock when I received a call today that delivered really great news. Most people would be ecstatic and I was too. Yet I couldn’t help but think that something was bound to go wrong.

So what was this great news? Well, let’s backtrack. Over the last few months, and if I’m being exact, the last few years, I’ve been looking for a home. It has gotten very serious these last few months and I dare not even talk much about it except that I’m looking for a home for fear of jinxing the process.

Well, last week I did not get the home I wanted and I had made my peace with it. I didn’t expect to get it so it curtailed the disappointment when I didn’t get it.

But today I received an unexpected call that the prospective buyer had to back out and I was the shoo-in to get the home! I was so giddy with happiness that I could barely concentrate on finishing my work the rest of the day.

In between my giddiness and my rampaging imagination of how I’d decorate my new home, I couldn’t help but think back to my thoughts that morning. Things in my life have been going so great. What did I do to deserve this even greater fortune?

I was still waiting on a last confirmation later that afternoon and I had already planned on finally tackling the last day of the Couch to 5K program and completing a 5K non-stop run after work.

I almost didn’t run though. Because I feared I might get injured during this run as a way for the universe to balance out my new fortune with a misfortune. I decided to ignore that thought though.

I figured what better way to celebrate than to hit a milestone in my running journey. In the back of my mind was also the thought that I needed to do something to deserve the home that I was going to finally get. That I need to push myself through an obstacle like running a 5K first before I could deserve this fortune.

The News

Lo and behold, I was almost at the 3 mile mark, a mere 0.2 mile away from a 5K when everything came crashing down. I received the phone call that they were going with a different buyer. And I was devastated. In hindsight, I was probably still reeling in from the endorphins and exhaustion of running that I took it so well.

I didn’t realize until I finished my after-workout shower that not only did I lose out on the home again, but I also lost out on finishing my running goal since I had to stop short of my 5K run to take that phone call.

I’m trying to convince myself that I had let that home go before so I should just do it again. But it’s really hard when it seems like the rug is pulled right under me.

So in my effort to make myself feel better, I decided that at least I was right, things were too good to be true. I always tell myself that I should let my head do the thinking, not my heart, but more often than I’d like to admit, I go by my “feelings”. On the bright side, I guess my feelings are not always wrong.

While I don’t consider myself superstitious, I wonder if I’m too obsessed with this idea of the “fair world” where for every up there must be a down. Maybe I should just accept that if life is going well, it’s going well. When things go wrong, it’s not because I did something bad or that it’s an attempt for the world to balance out fortune with misfortune. It’s just that sh*t happens.

Or maybe, I should stop overthinking this and get some rest.